스트레스 STRESS

So, let’s say I’m in a program. I need a 75% average in this program. Let’s say that I just got a 54% on one of the midterms. Now, let’s say that was supposedly the easiest test of the semester, and the tests/finals just get harder from here on out. So, what do I do now?

I’m honestly just a bunch of negative emotions right now, and I’m about to punch the drywall.

How the fuck did I study so hard for that midterm, read all the material beforehand, and feel so confident after taking the midterm, and still end up with a God forsaken 54%?

How did I walk out of that exam feeling like a million bucks, but end up with nothing good?

The irony of all this is truly… I-I’m fucking speechless.

I’m ANGRY.

I’m angry because I’m majoring in the social sciences field, and I have to take a stupid stats course. Granted, it’s not full out math with a bunch of formulas and it’s not nearly as hardcore as calculus, but math is math, and I suck at it. It involves me using an annoying software to generate data sets, and I suck at that too. I’m sorry, but I don’t see math and engineering students being forced to take English, so…

I’m angry because my parents are always on my ass about “studying harder” and “don’t procrastinate so much”. While they can say this about the other courses I’m taking, they can definitely not say this about stats. I actually bought the damn software, I read all the material before class, and I work super hard in class too. So why did my efforts not pay off? 

I’m DISAPPOINTED.

I’m disappointed because while I wasn’t expecting to get 100% on that midterm, I did feel like I performed fairly well. Normally, my estimates of my abilities generally isn’t too far off from what I end up do getting. When I feel like I did shit, I generally get a shit mark. When I feel like I did good, I get a good mark. Even when my estimate is off, it isn’t by this much. How the hell did I expect at least a 75%+ and ended up with a 54%?

I’m SAD.

I’m sad because I feel like I let my parents down. They’re paying out the ass for this stupid ass course and education. I feel like they always have pretty fair expectations of me, and I can’t even achieve those standards.

I’m SCARED.

I’m scared that I won’t be able to catch up. I have another midterm and the final to look forward to, but what if I get shitty marks on those too?

I’m scared because this mark actually matters and counts towards my major. If this was any other course, I’d be upset, but there wouldn’t be a direct impact on my future career path and studies. I don’t want a repeat of what happened to me in high-school where my math grade was, once again, the reason my enrollment at the school was put into jeopardy.

I’m scared because I’m thinking of all the worst-case scenarios. What if I fail? What if I need to repeat this course? That’s going to cost another $700 for bullshit I don’t even enjoy. What if I get kicked out of this program? What if this holds me back?

 

But hey, at least I’m getting 80s-90s in courses that don’t matter, right?

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One thought on “스트레스 STRESS

  1. Oh gosh, I could totally relate with you on this mid-term woes…. Seems like all that effort aren’t even paying off SIGH.

    But on a brighter side, everything is already over so there’s nothing much you could do either!! Just focus on the finals and press on! We can do it!!! ^_^

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