Returning to WordPress, unemployed.

Hello! 你好!Bonjour! 안녕하세요!

It’s been a few years since I was on WordPress. I still remember the good ol’ days when this site wasn’t half as confusing as it is now.

-wipes tears- Oh how the time sure does fly.

Anyways, the only reason I came back was because I’ve always been meaning to start a blog where none of my in-real-life friends can find me. Shocker, I have real-life friends.

This blabberingsoul is currently stuck in a rut, and no one understands. So what better way to let it all out than to blog about it?

Here goes…

This past week has been absolute piss for me. I’ve been stressed out more than ever. I wasn’t even this stressed when I was up at 4AM starting an ISU that was due in four hours in high school, or at 3AM when I was doing final edits for my Legal Studies essay.

I have now come to understand why people are always bitching about how the economy is shit, and how finding a job is almost as bad as … well, I don’t know what it’s almost as bad as. But this is just not fun anymore.

I applied to a total of 23 jobs. I’ve been pre-screened once, and I was a total derp and sassypants that I’m pretty convinced that I scared them away. That, and the fact that I didn’t get to really talk about my skills a lot. I’m an idiot. Don’t judge me. Then, I’ve proceeded to get rejected from a bunch of other jobs that I was really interested in. I now have 7 jobs that are awaiting rejection, basically. I mean, the jobs that I got rejected from had 20-50 competing candidates. The 7 leftover have 60-300 applicants. I pretty much lost all hope.

Then, there are my friends who are getting interviews after interviews. Job offers after job offers. While I want to be happy for them, I really can’t. I can easily say this with confidence, because I know that a few of them wouldn’t even be happy for me if they were in my current position. It’s one of those I’m-glad-you’re-happy-but-not-really-because-I’m-miserable-and-I-can’t-afford-to-care-about-you moments.

I’ve been feeling sad as hell, and no one really understands. The friends who are getting offers don’t know what it’s like to not get anything. There are friends who aren’t even looking for jobs, so they just don’t understand either. To be quite honest, I think a large part of the reason why I feel like absolute crap is because I feel like I really disappointed my parents. Not because they’ve been giving me pressure, no. It’s because they’ve been so encouraging and supportive every time I come back upset about being rejected yet again. They’ve been tip-toeing around me, getting me all my favourite foods, and asking their friends if they know people who would hire me. It just makes me feel even worse about myself, even though I know they’re going for the opposite effect.

Aside from the fact that I’ve been reflecting on myself, and nitpicking at all my flaws… I’ve just been really displeased with some of the employers. I know I’ll just come off as a bitter little bitch, but at this point, I really don’t even see how I should care. I mean, my resume were all individually tailored so that each employer will see all the skills that I possess that will be sure to be of use if I were to be hired. That, and I put cover letters on almost all of my resumes, because for me it’s always: “Go hard, or go home.” I never really understood it when people would say, “Only put cover letters on the jobs that you really want, and don’t bother if you don’t really care for the position.” I mean, if I’m applying for the job, is it not obvious that I want it/care for it to a certain degree? I’m unemployed for God’s sake; I’ll take almost any job.

Let me just add that I was so qualified for some jobs, that I probably wouldn’t even need training. I spent the last 4-5 years of my life volunteering/participating in clubs that required me to demonstrate the exact same skills they required, perform the exact same duties they asked of me, and I just … I’m truly speechless. Sigh.

[Aside: WordPress is putting “Related content” as I’m typing, and this is a feature that I didn’t have back then. I’m very pleased.]

So anyways, back to the let’s-comfort-her-even-though-we-don’t-understand situation. So my friends have been very encouraging too. But, to be quite honest, in my current state, everything just comes off as pity, and mildly condescending. I just want to reply with,

“UGH SHUT UP. You don’t understand me! I’m a teenage unicorn who needs to spread her wings and be majestic and shit, but no one’s letting me fly!

or

Excuse me? What are you trying to say? That you’re better than me with your seven job offers? Huh? You wanna go?”

Jokes aside though, I feel like I haven’t accomplished jack shit while my friends are off on their new journeys. I’ve been working harder on my school work/studies in desperate attempts to make up for this unemployed business, but it’s really, really bothering me.

I know that in probably a month or two from now, I won’t be as sad about all this. But right now? Can someone just smother me in love and food?

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